DEFUSING CRITICS

Back in grade school, most of us learned the lasting lesson to duck being laughed at by avoiding doing anything new. Once confined to our sticky-fingered little classmates and the all-knowing big people around us – now criticism seems to come from every stray kitten with Wi-Fi access. While some of us take it in stride, others find it devastating. I’ve written a bit about retaining our confidence and getting the most from critics in CREATIVE YOU, but now I have something more to add.

It took a long time to accept what my dad told me. He said that when people accuse you of something, it’s often themselves who are actually guilty of what they’re accusing. Years latter Otto, my co-author and friend, said the most important thing to know about ethics is:

“When you point a finger at someone, you are also pointing three fingers back toward yourself.”

Try it! He said our outrage reveals more about ourselves than it ever does about the person being called out. What they say is about their values, perceptions, and shortcomings.

Knowing critics are mostly talking about themselves helps in defusing the impact. When criticized, we only have two healthy options. Accept what’s helpful, and delete what’s destructive – all the while peering through the open window of the critic’s own transgressions and laughing a little.

Any criticisms?